John "the Bone-Crusher" Wright

The "B.C." C.V.
                                                                                                                     

Address                    Seriously, he can tunnel through space and reverse the flow of entropy.  If you want to send him a letter, write it out and burn it; he'll reassemble it from its carbon dioxide, water, and ash.

 

Personal                  Surged forth from Sol, itself, on September 17, 1943

 

Education               PhD in Thug-o-nomics, Taken by force from Chuck Norris, 1970.

                                    BS in Awesomeness, Mr. T.'s Private Program for Non-Fools, 1965.

 

Honors                 J.R.R. Tolkien Manwe Award, 1978

                                    Nobel Non-Peace Prize, 1959

                                    Holder of all legitimate boxing titles (list forthcoming), 1944-present

                                    Officially declared a gift to humanity, September 18th, 1943

 

Employment        Chair, Department of Domination, University of Wisconsin, 2001-2004

                                    John C. Wright Professor of Overwhelming Charisma, 1973-present

 

Professional           Reduced the Cold War to absolute zero, 1991

Activities              Rick Roll'd Rick Astley, 1986

                                     Installed Bad Horse, 1983

                                    Threw astronauts to the moon, 1969

                                    Unified the laws of phyiscs, 1953

                                    Discovered the graviton, 1952

 

Community           Mentored at least one German sniper, 2006-present

Involvement          Wrestled sharks in bioluminescent waters while attending a Spectroscopy conference, 2009

Memberships         World Motivational Society 
 American Physical Pain Society
 American Association for the Advancement of Poor Mortals

Publication list to come.

Please note that this document is not to be taken as historical fact, nor even as honest representation of the kind, gentle, brilliant man who is Dr. John C. Wright [please don't hurt me].